Current Annoyance 1

They are not welcomed here, yet they trespass our homes like there ain't enough soil on the planet.



Sure, you may think they're nothing compared to mosquitoes and flies but the two insects have their own reasons for pissing us off. Mosquitoes need blood and we're like the friggin' Nile river to them. Flies, well, they've become a sport to us ever since electronic tennis rackets were made.

Ants are like communists, trying to make your everything theirs, and that pisses the heck out of me.

Ants are being hailed as one of the most beneficial cretins by people on Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, National Geographic channel and the like for doing an earthworm's job. Ants are probably so important to them that the thought of them going extinct scares them crapless. Though, they've got nothing to worry about because getting rid a few billions of them wouldn't change a thing. Their numbers won't ever dwindle, you see.

An amorous pair of ants (or the Queen ant and one of her male hoes) reproduce a darn lot more than what your average Miss Bianca and Bernard can make. Yeah, it's probably God's way of increasing their survival rate. But no one understands why there are just too many of them. It's like trying to understand why so many humans are unfortunately a bunch of dumbbutts.

This increases my troubles and worries. Why do I hate them so much?

1) They're thieves.
I know why monkeys are sometimes thieves. Even though I hate primates as much as I hate vampire fairy fans, I can understand that their habitat is slowly disappearing, thus they're forced to steal. Ants come here and steal when there are better places for them to be. They are sneaky bastards, not because of their size, but because they get to your food by teleportation, or just unbelievable stealth missions.

When I cook Maggie, I always make it a point to clean the pots and bowls. Immediately after washing, I fill the pot with distilled water, put it on a stove, and boil the water with the lid on top. Once I'm done, I wash my bowl again in case something went in while I was busy and pour the steaming hot noodles into it. Without a doubt, I will discover at least 2 ants floating in my meal. The most I've plucked out with my chopsticks were 10-15 of them. I don't know when or how the heck they get into my food but they're dead and I can't finish my poor luxury noodles. Not only they fail as thieves, they make everyone a loser.

2) They can't die in microwaves.
You'd think your food is entirely safe when it's being heated up in a microwave. If an ant or more were inside, they'd be raping your hot piece of chocolate cake before Vanilla Ice(cream) could even lay a finger on it.

3) They do the most unnecessary things.
They feed on my toothpaste. The large Colgate tube's cap is probably covered in ant joojoo and semen, and I have to open the cap to squeeze the paste out twice a day. Now, boys and girls, microbes just love to move around and stick themselves on many places. And no matter how much I rinse everything the ants have touched with water, some of their crap will still remain, I bet. I bet the many instances the ant semen gets caught on the toothpaste or my toothbrush have transmitted some ant joojooness into my very own mouth. Yes, no one has ever heard of ants transmitting dangerous diseases, but my point here is that this like touching my tongue to my nemesis'. Just plain gross.

4) They attack harmless things.
There was a time when an army of bad tempered ants decided to crash into my house uninvited. The only time I crushed them was when I needed a drink and they were in the way, or when they were attacking the family's box of doughnuts. Their so-called territory stretched to everyone's bedroom and the study room. When using the computer, I can be as still as a Korean kid playing Counter Strike and not bother to hurt a fly even if it flew past my face. But the ants, which were hiding all over my table of rubbish, crawled on my hands, dropped on my thighs and bit me. They've got all the places to hide and explore but they came and friggin' bit me. They even bit me when I was asleep in my bed. It's like seeing a beast and shooting it before you what it is. What if that beast was a harmless elephant close to extinction, or even a future celebrity manga-ka? Come on.

Maybe these little bastards know the meaning of revenge. Too bad I killed these clever things off with Dr. Mist.

5) They can kill.
No, seriously, they can. Discovery Channel (or one of those other channels) taught me about fire ants. I was lucky that fire ants didn't bite me. They talked about kids dying from the ants' venomous bites and it was plain freaky (Still proud of your ants, Discovery Channel?). They even showed a map of the world and how much the fire ants' territory grew over the years. I swear, if you dig them out of the ground and put them together, they're as big as Africa. If mice don't take over the world, the smaller bastards will.

Many times I've daydreamed of having this power that can pull the ants from every hiding place in my house and gather them into a ball, and I would either have the ball thrown into the sea or simply have it burst into flames. I'm not cruel enough to wish for the destruction of their entire species but I just want them out of my house.